


That Cold Morning

by EvenstarSelene



Series: Even Bleeding Hearts Can Dream [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Titans, Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, Lemon, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenstarSelene/pseuds/EvenstarSelene
Summary: After his first erotic encounter with you, Bertolt thinks it's all gone and forgotten. But no matter how long he waits, it never gets easier to love you.





	That Cold Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Whoa, so we're back!  
> Another part of what I've decided will be a series :)  
> Please enjoy this new addition to my series.
> 
> Selene the Evenstar presents:

"Bert! There you are daydreaming again! You're gonna get us killed!" Shouted Reiner as I managed to keep the car from crashing on the guardrails of the highway. I took a deep breath and composed myself.

"Sorry."

"What's wrong with you Bert?! Lately you've been like a damn zombie. Last week you almost tripped into oncoming traffic at school, and the week before that, you put a fork in the microwave. What's with you?"

Hearing Reiner list two of my latest clumsy mishaps sent an annoying twinge of embarrassment all throughout my body.  
I knew I was a mess.  
I really didn't need a reminder.  
I had enough on my mind as it was, what with school, my job…

Alright. I'll cut the bullshit. 

It had been months since I was able to touch her in a way I had only ever dreamed of before.  
Months of me not being able to get her out of my head. All those nights past when I lived something so unbelievable with her, I would almost question whether it had ever actually happened.  
Every time I saw her, she'd hug me and kiss me just like nothing had ever happened, like I didn't lay eyes on all her feminine glory, like I didn't reach places in her body she'd only ever glazed over before. Like I wasn't soaked by her delicious passion...  
But that hardly matters I suppose. 

Sometimes I would stay awake at night nearly in tears thinking of what she and my cousin were doing that very moment, while I was in my bed alone and painfully aware of the stabbing pain missing her caused me.  
I hated the fact that I hadn't found a chance to talk to her again since that had happened.  
I wondered with a wave of jealousy if she'd taught Marcel to touch her like I did, and I had to sigh aloud to keep myself from tearing through my sheets in anger.  
Those memories still resided in my mind, and I knew  
It was silly really, but I felt like a kid again, infatuated with one of the popular girls.  
Only this time, the object of my love was unattainable for a different reason and that reason's name is Marcel.

"Sorry Reiner. I just got a little distracted, that's all."  
I said as I tried to keep my voice calm and convincing.

"Maybe I should drive Bert, you don't look so good."  
I briefly glanced at my best friend, and sighed.

"No, I'm okay. I just need a drink of water that's all."

"Marcel is going to be mad if we don't get there in time, you know that right?"

I gulped harder than I had wanted to.

"I know… but the game isn't supposed to start for another hour. We'll get there in time."  
Reiner looked pacified for the moment, but I could tell he wasn't all the way convinced. 

I kept on driving to the playing field where we had agreed to meet my cousin and the rest of our friends. Marcel and Reiner played together in a football team composed mostly of our group of friends, so I was glad I'd be distracted for a while. Time passed quickly as we drove on, this time without incident since I was aware enough and in control enough to concentrate on the road. 

Once I could see the green grass of the playing field come closer and closer in to view, I began to feel the nerves begin to pile on.  
Maybe she'd be there…

I drove into the parking lot, and my chest swelled with happiness as I saw her there, at the edge of the field watching the guys warm up. It was a bit chilly since it was still pretty early in the autumn morning, and I saw her wrap herself up tighter in her navy blue coat. Internally, I bemoaned this fact, since the coat hid her spectacular figure from my thirsty eyes. 

"You wanna come help us warm up Bert?"  
Asked Reiner, hardly waiting for me to put my car into park before he swung the door open and hurried out. 

"No, I'm not really in the mood. You go ahead." I said, waving him away. 

"Alright. Thanks bro." 

I watched Reiner jog into the green field, right past her as he lightly tapped her shoulder, earning a brilliant smile and a wave from her.  
I tried to relax myself, took in a few deep breaths and checked myself out in the mirror. 

As soon as my eyes looked away from the mirror, I looked to where she had been standing just a few seconds ago just to find that she was gone.  
It took only a nanosecond for my mind to whirl around with theories as to where she could have gone, whether or not she had left because she had seen me…  
Or maybe-

A sudden light tapping on my car window snapped me from my thoughts and I turned to find the source of the sound.  
It was her.  
I must have looked like a dumbass just sitting there staring at her but I couldn't help it.  
She looked so beautiful, much too beautiful for my eyes to look away, no matter how much I wanted to tear them away. Her brilliant smile made her eyes sparkle at me like a pair of diamonds glittering in the early morning sun. The slight breeze made strands of her soft hair dance in front of her face, making my throat dry up at such a lovely sight. 

"Bert?" She said, tapping the glass again, sending me tumbling down from my fantasy world and back to earth where I must have looked like a total idiot.

"H-hey, what's up?" 

"Nothing... hey Bert, let me inside with you, yeah?" 

Aw shit. Trapped in my car with her so close. How would I be able to keep myself from turning the inside into an oven from my nervous heat? 

"Yeah, sure. Come in."  
She walked quickly around the front of the car and dove in as soon as she opened the door. 

"Brrr… its chilly out there. Thanks for letting me in." She said, leaning towards me and giving me a quick peck on the cheek. 

Why?! Why would she do that to me? 

"N-no problem... how've you been?" 

"Pretty good. Same 'ol same 'ol. You?"

I wanted to ask her. I felt like I needed to ask her. Did she ever think about what happened? Was I thinking too deep into it? What did she think of me? Was she avoiding me? Why was she acting so aloof? Did she even like it?  
I had so many questions, too many to drop on her all at once, but before I could decide which question to pick, I noticed that she had been staring at me.

"Same." 

"Oh… so, are you going to play?" She asked as she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

"No, I didn't sign up to play this season." 

"Oh? How come? You're pretty good!"  
Her cheerful compliment on my athletic abilities made a small smile creep onto my lips.

"Thank you. I don't know. I guess I'm just really big on playing right now. Maybe for the spring season." 

"Nice…" 

The conversation seemed to enter a comfortable lull, and we just sat there watching the guys on the field warming up as they kicked the ball around.  
I glanced at her briefly, and I could tell she was happy just by looking at her.  
I loved seeing that smile on her face, but damn it if it didn't take me back to that night.  
Soon, the game began in full, and we watched for a few minutes. Then from out of nowhere, she tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey Bert, would you do me a favor?"

"Huh? Oh… yeah of course. What's up?" 

"Do you think you can drive me to a gas station to buy some hot chocolate?" She asked. 

That was the moment when I realized I could never refuse her anything. Yes, it was a small little request, but I knew that if she looked at me with those pretty eyes, I'd never be able to deny her any of her heart's desires.

"Sure. There's one nearby. " 

"Yes!" She cheered as she settled into her seat and buckled up.

We headed off, and eventually she got her hot chocolate, while I got a vanilla latte.  
Of course she had to tease me for my 'girly' drink.  
And of course, she decided she wanted some as well.  
Eventually she took my latte and I was now the proud owner of a hot chocolate. 

That brat. 

 

I was finally able to relax around her, and the whole way back, we chatted comfortably and I was so happy that she seemed happy too.  
Maybe I didn't need all my questions answered.  
Maybe it all just happened and rather than dwell, perhaps it would be best if I took what I could and keep my memories and nothing more. 

 

But like it always is with me, something just had to happen.  
When we made it back, someone had taken my ringside parking. In fact, the entire parking lot seemed full. 

"Oh shit. Now what?" She asked. I asked myself the same question, and it hit me that there was extra parking around the field, but on higher ground where nearly the entire playing field was visible. To my surprise and secret delight, it was deserted. As soon as I parked, I heard her shift in her seat.

"Bert?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah, sure."  
I felt my pulse quicken, but I didn't dare hope she'd be touching on the subject that had been tormenting me for ages. 

"Do… do you think I'm gross?" 

"What?! No, of course not. Never. Why would you even think that?" 

"Just asking..." I looked at her, and I could have sworn I saw her clenching her legs together tightly. Just the thought made my heart quicken in my chest.

"Oh…"  
She half-smiled and stood still for a second. Her usually cheerful and playful expression went a little blank for a second, as she seemed almost troubled or lost in thought.  
She shifted again in her seat, this time she was struggling to free herself from her coat, and I saw just a sliver of her smooth belly as she stretched and pulled.  
That in and of itself was enough to make my cock twitch in that painfully sweet way it had whenever she was in my thoughts. 

Before I could think of anything to break the heavy silence, I felt her small hand grab a hold of my own. I nearly screamed when I realized she had placed it over that clearly outlined V over her pants. 

Any thoughts I had before flew out the window and all I could think was how hot she felt through the fabric of her pants. She had let go of me, but I didn't need any guidance.  
I felt her gently grind herself on my tensed hand, making sure she had her clit brushed with every pass. I could hear her hiss gently at every pass, and once again I felt myself holding back from going crazy.  
But should I hold back? This was clearly different than before, much different. 

Fuck it. 

I don't quite remember how I did it, but I'd managed to get us both to the relative freedom of the back seat of my car. I wasted little time in unbuttoning her pants and pulling them off. 

One glance up, and I knew she wanted it.  
Her eyes lost their usual luster, instead replaced with a dull, almost predatory glaze to them.  
Her light feminine fragrance reached my nose, and the sweet scent sent my mind to that familiar territory of lust I had only felt with her.  
I decided to hold back from literally tearing her panties off, and instead I rubbed her through the now soaked fabric.  
She moaned in my ear, yet I knew this was not an invitation to kiss those pouty lips.  
I felt her hands press against my chest, and before I knew it she was straddling me as I kept rubbing her. Now using her advantage, she pushed her shirt up along with her bra, and my eyes caught the beauty of her breasts.  
Before I could allow my damned shyness to take hold, I licked at the tip of one of her nipples, and I was rewarded with a deep sigh of pleasure from her.

I went crazy sucking and licking them softly, paying attention to not leave a single mark on her skin.

While I loved the view of her hovering over me while I pleasured her with my mouth and fingers, I needed more. I pushed her back gently, and while I knew that here in the back seat of my car wasn't nearly as comfortable as my couch, I'd make due. 

This day, I cursed my freakish height. I definitely was not comfortable at all here crumpled in the back seat.  
But that didn't phase me for much longer. She was able to lean back against the door, and she smiled at me with an eager twinkle in her eyes. I couldn't help my own smile, thinking to myself how in the world someone could make me feel this way. 

She slid her hands down her body until she reached her panties. I could literally feel my mouth water as I watched her slowly inch her panties off of her body. 

"What's wrong?" She asked.  
I didn't say anything, instead I looked down at what I had been dreaming about for so long now it ached.  
I couldn't take the teasing any longer and I ripped the fabric separating me from her.

It may have been the shock of my sudden surge of aggression, but her eyes widened and she made a move to cover herself from my gaze but she stopped before she could.  
I froze.

“Hey… are you okay? ” I asked, certain that I'd blown it.  
Maybe she didn't want this? 

"Yeah, don't worry. Keep going." 

But I couldn't.

The tiny second I stopped made me realize that this… this whole thing was wrong.  
I was driven by pure lust into betraying the trust of my cousin and taking the woman he loved here in the back seat of my car. I felt her intense stare on me as my eyes remained downcast, as I couldn't bring myself to look at her.  
If I looked at her, I feared I wouldn't be able to control myself. 

"Hey? Hey what happened?" She asked with a hint of alarm and hurt in her voice.  
Hearing her voice like that broke my heart.  
I felt so many things in my chest that it was hard to take a breath.  
I couldn't do this. I couldn't.  
I love her.  
I can't fuck her here in my cramped, dirty back seat practically in plain sight. 

"I - I'm sorry… I can't." 

"Oh." She said, the small expression coming out as a sigh almost, which was hard for me to hear.  
"You don't like me?" She asked suddenly, the very question startled me.

"What?! No, no please don't think that I don't like you…. I do. I like you so much. And I can't do this to you here. I can't."

I felt her shift around as she sat as she slowly put her shirt down and she struggled a bit to put her bottoms back on.  
I dared to look at her, and she looked solemnly out the window at nothing in particular. 

"I understand." 

 

There are times when life hands you opportunities to live out your fantasies. But I asked myself, what good is a fantasy, like an elaborate, fragile dream, even if it did bring me joy?  
But as I drove down the hill and watched her get out of my car and walk back to the edge of the field to wait for him, I felt a deep pang of sorrow rip through my heart.  
She would be going back to him, back to her life with him, while I am left alone as a miserable witness to their love displayed right in front of my eyes. 

And while I could still feel her warmth on my body, it quickly turned into an aching frost as I sat there.  
It may as well have been only a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for getting to the end :)  
> If you enjoyed, don't hesitate to leave me a comment!  
> And no, this isn't the end of the series, more will come!  
> Much love.


End file.
